Jordan Belfort if You Read It in the Paper Its Already Too Late
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Let me tell you something. In that location's no nobility in poverty. I have been a rich man and I have been a poor human. And I choose rich every fuckin' time. Because, at to the lowest degree equally a rich man, when I have to face my issues, I testify upwardly in the back of the limo, wearing a $2000 adapt and a $40,000 gold fuckin' watch.
Mark Hanna: The name of the game, moving the money from the client's pocket to your pocket.
Jordan Belfort: But if y'all can make your clients money at the same time it's advantageous to anybody, correct?
Marking Hanna: No.
Jordan Belfort: My name is Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort. I'chiliad a former fellow member of the middle class raised past two accountants in a tiny apartment in Bayside, Queens. The year I turned 26, as the caput of my own brokerage firm, I made $49 million, which actually pissed me off because it was 3 shy of a million a week.
Jordan Belfort: Brad, show them how it'southward done. Sell me that pen. Lookout man. Go on.
Brad: You lot want me to sell you this fucking pen?
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: That's my boy right there. Can fucking sell annihilation.
Brad: Why don't y'all do me a favor. Write your proper noun down on that napkin for me.
Jordan Belfort: I don't take a pen.
Brad: Exactly. Supply and demand, my friend.
Jordan Belfort: [Wakes up on plane; finds he is restrained by a seatbelt beyond his chest] Oh, Jesus Christ. Fuck. Donnie. Donnie, this isn't... this isn't funny, you gotta untie me, buddy.
Donnie Azoff: I can't untie yous! The helm tied you lot up, he almost fuckin' tasered you!
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Why?
Donnie Azoff: Why? You were, like, screaming at people. You lot were on the flooring rollin' effectually and shit.
Jordan Belfort: Oh, Jesus.
Donnie Azoff: You lot chosen the helm the n-word.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: I chosen the captain the n-discussion?
Donnie Azoff: Yes, he was very upset.
Jordan Belfort: Really?
Donnie Azoff: Luckily nosotros're in starting time form. Jesus Christ. I think you have a fuckin' drug problem.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: On a daily basis I consume enough drugs to sedate Manhattan, Long Island, and Queens for a month. I have Quaaludes 10-fifteen times a twenty-four hour period for my "back pain", Adderall to stay focused, Xanax to have the edge off, pot to mellow me out, cocaine to wake me back up again, and morphine... Well, considering information technology's crawly. But of all the drugs under God'due south blue sky, hither is one that is my absolute favourite. See, enough of this shit volition brand yous invincible - able to agree the world. And eviscerate your enemies.
[Sniffs cocaine]
Jordan Belfort: And I'm not talking about this... I'1000 talking nearly this.
[Shows 100$]
Marking Hanna: You gotta stay relaxed. Exercise you wiggle off?
Jordan Belfort: What? Practise I jerk off? Yeah. Yeah, I jerk off. Yeah.
Marker Hanna: How many times a week?
Jordan Belfort: Like, um, iii or 4. Three or four times, maybe v.
Mark Hanna: Gotta pump those numbers up. Those are rookie numbers in this racket. I myself, I jerk off at to the lowest degree twice a day.
Jordan Belfort: Wow.
Marker Hanna: In one case in the morning, right later on I work out. And then once correct afterwards lunch.
Jordan Belfort: Really?
Mark Hanna: I want to. That's not why I exercise it. I do it cause I fuckin' need to.
Max Belfort: $430,000 in one month, Jordy. Huh?
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: They're business expenses.
Max Belfort: Jordy, look what you've got here. Look at this! $26,000 for one fucking dinner!
Jordan Belfort: No, no, this tin can be explained. Dad, we had clients, Pfizer clients. Champagne.
Nicky Koskoff: The porterhouse from Argentina.
Jordan Belfort: Expensive champagne and the what, nosotros had to buy champagne.
[to Donnie]
Jordan Belfort: And you brought in all the sides... Tell him about the sides.
Donnie Azoff: I ordered the sides, so...
Max Belfort: Sides? Sides? $26,000 worth of sides? What are these sides? They cure cancer?
Donnie Azoff: The sides did cure cancer, that's the trouble, that's why they were so expensive.
Jordan Belfort: [bursting into laughter] Shut the fuck up!
Donnie Azoff: I'thou serious.
Jordan Belfort: People say shit... I mean similar, yous married your cousin or some stupid shit.
Donnie Azoff: Yep, my wife is my cousin or whatsoever, but it's non like what you recollect.
Jordan Belfort: Is she like, a start cousin?
Donnie Azoff: Her father is the brother of my mom. Like, we grew up together, and she grew up hot, you know, she fucking grew up hot. And all my friends are trying to fuck her, you lot know, and I'm not gonna allow one of these assholes fuck my cousin. Then I used the cousin thing, every bit like, an in with her. I'chiliad not like, gonna permit someone else fuck my cousin, you know? If anyone'southward gonna fuck my cousin, information technology'due south gonna exist me. Out of respect.
Jordan Belfort: [to the waiter] Oh, I'thousand practiced with h2o for at present.
Marker Hanna: It's his offset 24-hour interval on Wall Street. Give him time.
Jordan Belfort: Oh my God! Yous had to bargain with the Golf Course people too! What a greek tragedy! Love oh my God!, you probably had to pay them in cash with your hands! What a fucking brunt, and really had to do some piece of work besides swiping my fucking credit card all day? Huh? Cause I can't proceed track of your professions honey! Concluding calendar month you lot were a wine connoisseur, and at present you're an aspiring mural architect, Isn't that right?
Naomi Lapaglia: Fuck you!
Jordan Belfort: Don't y'all dare throw that fucking h2o on me! Don't you fucking cartel!
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: I heard some stupid shit. I... I didn't even want to bring it upwards. It's simply... stupid.
Donnie Azoff: Shit with me?
Jordan Belfort: You know, just... people say shit. I don't even know. I don't even mind to it half the fourth dimension.
Donnie Azoff: What do they say?
Jordan Belfort: Shit about you and your cousin or something like that. I don't fifty-fifty listen to it. It doesn't even...
Donnie Azoff: No... it'southward not like that. It'due south not like that.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: You know what I mean? Like you lot married your cousin or some stupid shit, you know?
Donnie Azoff: Aye, my wife... yeah, my wife is my cousin or whatever. Simply it's not like what you lot call up or whatsoever, y'all know...
Jordan Belfort: Is she like a... first cousin, or is she...
Donnie Azoff: Yeah, no. She... you know, her... her father is the... is the brother of my mom.
Jordan Belfort: Mhm.
Donnie Azoff: It's non like... Look. We grew upwards together, and she grew up hot, you know. She fuckin' grew up hot and all of my friends were trying to fuck her, you lot know, and I wasn't... I'm not gonna let someone, you know, i of these assholes fuck my cousin. And then I, you know, used the cousin matter as like... like an in with her. I'm not gonna let someone else fuck my cousin, you know? If anyone is gonna fuck my cousin it'due south gonna exist me, out of... out of respect, you know?
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: No, I go information technology, yeah, yeah, yeah. I hateful, you're not agape of like the whole child thing, correct? Similar the whole...
Donnie Azoff: What, if the kid's retarded?
Jordan Belfort: Yeah.
Donnie Azoff: No, nosotros accept 2 kids.
Jordan Belfort: And they're... I mean, I don't want to get personal or anything, merely are they okay?
Donnie Azoff: No, they're not retarded or anything like that...
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Merely there'south a big chance, correct? The whole...
Donnie Azoff: Aye, there's like a 60 per centum, you know... lx, 65 percentage take a chance the kid'south gonna be fuckin' retarded or whatever...
Jordan Belfort: That'd scare the shit out of me, buddy.
Donnie Azoff: Await, man... a lot of having a kid or any takes risk, whether you're fuckin' cousins or not, yous know...
Jordan Belfort: What if... what if you... I mean, what if something similar that happened?
Donnie Azoff: Well, basically, you know, if the kid was retarded I would... I would, you know, drive it up to the state and merely similar, yous know, open the door and let it... say "You're gratuitous now!" You lot know? Like, "Run gratuitous!" You know?
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: [narrating to the camera] An I.P.O. is an initial public offer. It'due south the first time a stock is offered for sale to the full general population. At present as the firm taking the company public, we ready the initial sales toll so sold those shares right dorsum to our friends. All the same...
[stops and chuckles]
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Look, I know yous're not following what I'm maxim anyhow, right? That'southward... that'due south okay, that doesn't thing. The real question is this: was all this legal? Absolutely fucking not. Merely we were making more money than we knew what practise with.
Donnie Azoff: I'll tell you what: I'1000 never eating at Benihana over again. I don't care whose altogether information technology is.
Donnie Azoff: How much money you make?
Jordan Belfort: $lxx,000 final month.
Donnie Azoff: Get the fuck outta here!
Jordan Belfort: Well, technically, $72,000 last month.
Donnie Azoff: You lot show me a pay stub for $72,000, I quit my task right at present and work for you.
[later on, on the phone]
Donnie Azoff: Hey Paulie, what's upwards? No, everything'southward fine. Hey, listen, I quit!
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: The only thing continuing between y'all and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve information technology.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: This right here is the land of opportunity. This is America. This is my abode! The show goes on!
[quoting Norma Rae]
Jordan Belfort: They're gonna need to transport in the National Guard to take me out, cos I own't going nowhere!
Jordan Belfort: [property his child] Does Daddy get a kiss from both of his little girls?
Naomi Lapaglia: Oh, no. No, Daddy doesn't even get to affect Mommy for a very, very... very long time.
Jordan Belfort: Daddy's actually sad virtually what he said in the other room, he didn't hateful whatever of it!
Naomi Lapaglia: Daddy shouldn't waste his fourth dimension. And from now on... information technology's gonna exist zip merely short, short skirts around the house. And you know something else, Daddy? Mommy is just then sick and tired of wearing panties.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Yes?
Naomi Lapaglia: Aye.
Naomi Lapaglia: [pushes him away with her legs] But no touching.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Oh, gosh.
Patrick Denham: Most of the Wall Street jackasses that I bust, they're to the manor born. Their fathers are douchebags, simply similar their fathers before them. But you... You, Jordan, you got this way all on your own.
Jordan Belfort: Did I?
Patrick Denham: Salubrious, little man.
Jordan Belfort: Little man?
[laughs]
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Me, the piddling man?
Patrick Denham: Allow me tell you lot something else. Honestly, I'thousand not bullshitting hither, this is one of the nicest boats that I've ever been on. I gotta tell you.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: I bet it is.
Patrick Denham: And you wanna know what I was simply thinking likewise? The fucking hero I'thousand gonna be back at the office when the Bureau seizes this fucking boat. Because, I mean, fuckety fuck fuck, Hashemite kingdom of jordan, wait at this matter! It's beautiful! And you got the beautiful girls there. It'due south wonderful.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: [laughing] All correct, go the fuck off my boat.
Patrick Denham: I'm certain we'll be seeing each other real soon.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: I'm sure. Good luck on that subway ride abode to your miserable, ugly fucking wives. I'm gonna take Heidi lick some caviar off my assurance in the meantime.
Jordan Belfort: See those piffling blackness boxes? They're chosen telephones. I'm gonna permit you in on a little secret nigh these telephones. They're not gonna punch themselves. Okay? Without yous, they're just worthless hunks of plastic. Like a loaded M16 without a trained marine to pull the trigger.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: [dubious] Southward-so if I, if I sell a stock at $x,000, my committee is 5,000 bucks.
Dwayne: If you sell $10,000 worth of this stock, I will personally requite you a blowjob for free
[Jordan laughs]
Dwayne: ... and I hope information technology happens.
[both laugh]
Jordan Belfort: My wife, Naomi, the Duchess of Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. A former model and Miller Calorie-free girl. Yeah. She was the one with my erect in her rima oris in the Ferrari, so put your dick back in your pants.
Donnie Azoff: I check my messages every day when I come home from work... my answering machine... nada! I got a blinkling calorie-free because I don't take shit from you. I got my wife... I got my wife checking the letters every forty-five minutes calling the office saying. "Has Brad apologized yet? Is there an apology message on the machine?" I don't have jack-shit. Yous know what? That's not how you treat people.
Brad: You lot gotta exist a fucking pal... Y'all know what, I'grand gonna give you a fucking pass, only give me the case.
Donnie Azoff: Yous're gonna give me a pass?
Brad: Wait, it's a figure of fucking speech, but give me the fucking...
Donnie Azoff: Oh my God, the emperor of Fucksville came down from Fucksville to give me a pass! Hey, what are the citizens of Fucksville doing today when their emperor's gone? Is it, is it commotion? Are people looting and raping? What are all the little fuckheads doing while you're here?
Jordan Belfort: So you listen to me and yous listen well. Are you behind on your credit bill of fare bills? Practiced, pick up the telephone and outset dialing! Is your landlord ready to adios you lot? Good! Pick up the phone and kickoff dialing! Does your girlfriend think you're a fucking worthless loser? Proficient! Selection upward the phone and start dialing! I desire you to bargain with your issues by becoming rich!
Donnie Azoff: I got a couple of mil' comin' in like a week. And when it gets in, I'll give you a telephone call and you come up choice it upwards.
Brad: You'll give me a telephone call?
Donnie Azoff: When it gets here, I'll give yous a call and you'll come up choice information technology up.
Chantalle: Well, we don't work for yous, man!
Donnie Azoff: Sweetheart, you have my money taped to your tits. Technically, you practise piece of work for me.
Donnie Azoff: Jordan, it'south fucking expert, right? Information technology's fucked up.
[laughing hysterically]
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: GET OFF THE Phone! Get OFF THE Telephone! FBI!
[swipes at Donnie]
Donnie Azoff: Hey! I'chiliad on the telephone!
Jordan Belfort: Donnie and I were going out on our own. And the kickoff affair nosotros needed was brokers. Guys with sales experience. So I recruited some of my home town boys. Sea Otter, who sold meat and weed. Chester, who sold tires and weed. And Robbie, who sold anything he can get his hands on, mostly weed. This is Brad, and Brad is the guy I really wanted. Simply he didn't go along with us. He was making so much money selling Quaaludes that he become the Quaalude King of Bayside.
Jordan Belfort: [when asked who is Captain Ahab] The volume, motherfucker, the book!
Jordan Belfort: You wanna know what money sounds like? Go to a trading floor on Wall street. "Fuck this, shit that. Cunt, cock, asshole." I couldn't believe how these guys talked to each other! I was hooked in seconds. It was like mainlining adrenaline.
Mark Hanna: So if you've got a client who bought stock at 8 and now information technology'due south at 16 and he'due south all fucking happy, he wants to cash in and liquidate, accept his fucking money and run home, you don't let him practise that... 'cause that would go far existent.
Naomi Lapaglia: Wake upwardly, you piece of shit! Who'southward Venice?
Jordan Belfort: Who?
Naomi Lapaglia: Huh?
Jordan Belfort: Who? Who?
Naomi Lapaglia: Who? What are yous, a fucking owl? Who is she? Some little hooker you lot were fucking terminal night?
Jordan Belfort: What the fuck are you talking about? No. No manner, baby, no!
Naomi Lapaglia: You were calling her proper noun in your slumber!
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Are you out of your fucking heed? I don't even know who Venice is. What the fuck does that even mean? Venice. That's the stupidest shit I've always heard in my fucking life!
[after flashback of sex activity with Venice]
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: That's right. That'due south right, I forgot. Donnie and I were investing in a condominium circuitous in Venice. That'due south why all this confusion.
Naomi Lapaglia: Oh, you lot're investing in Italian republic?
Jordan Belfort: Not Italy. California, baby!
Naomi Lapaglia: Oh, California? Yous're a lying piece of shit!
Jordan Belfort: Duchess, baby, come on!
Naomi Lapaglia: Don't yous fucking Duchess me! Don't y'all Duchess me! Do you really think that I don't know what you're upward to? Y'all're a begetter at present, Hashemite kingdom of jordan.
Jordan Belfort: Yep! I know.
Naomi Lapaglia: You're a father now. And you're notwithstanding acting like an infant!
[throws h2o in his face up]
Jordan Belfort: FUCK! GODDAMN IT! Baby, you know you got existent anger problems.
Naomi Lapaglia: Who is the ane who flew in here at three:00 in the morning on their stupid helicopter and woke up Skylar? That was y'all! Doesn't even matter to you lot! Does it even matter to yous that I only had that driving range sodded with Bermuda grass, Jordan, and now you fucking wrecked information technology!
Jordan Belfort: Oh, Bermuda grass.
Naomi Lapaglia: No, y'all didn't enquiry the whole thing and deal with the fucking golf game form people!
Jordan Belfort: Oh my God! You had to deal with the gold form people, too! What a Greek tragedy honey! Oh my God! You probably had to pay them in greenbacks with your hands! What a fucking burden! And actually do some work too swiping my fucking credit card all day, huh? Because I can't keep track of your professions, dear. Last calendar month you were a wine connoisseur, now you lot're an aspiring landscape builder. Let me get that right.
Naomi Lapaglia: Fuck you!
Jordan Belfort: Don't fucking dare throw that fucking water at me. Don't y'all fucking dare.
Max Belfort: Jordy, ane of these days the chickens are gonna come home to roost.
Jordan Belfort: You lot're lookin' at me like I'thou crazy.
Max Belfort: Crazy? This is obscene!
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: [vox over] It was obscene, in the normal world. I mean, who the fuck wanted to live there?
Donnie Azoff: [peeing on his subpoena] Fuck y'all, U.S.A. Fuck you, U.S.A. Fuck you lot! Fuck you!
Naomi Lapaglia: I want a divorce.
Jordan Belfort: What exercise yous mean y'all want a divorce? What is that supposed to hateful, you want a divorce?
Naomi Lapaglia: Go off me! I desire a divorce. Get off.
Jordan Belfort: You just made love to me. What the fuck is wrong with you lot?
Naomi Lapaglia: I don't love you lot anymore, Hashemite kingdom of jordan!
Jordan Belfort: Oh, y'all don't love me? You don't dear me anymore, huh? Well isn't that but fucking convenient for you! At present that I'one thousand under federal indictment with an electronic bracelet around my ankle, now you decide you don't fucking honey me anymore. Is that right?
Naomi Lapaglia: No, no.
Jordan Belfort: What kind of person are yous? Tell me.
Naomi Lapaglia: Y'all married me!
Jordan Belfort: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
Naomi Lapaglia: Jordan, this is how it's gonna get. I'm gonna take custody of the kids. If you hold to the divorce correct now, I volition permit visitation. Okay? Don't try to fight it.
Jordan Belfort: Oh my God.
Naomi Lapaglia: Information technology will save the states both a lot of money and I got a feeling you're gonna need it.
Jordan Belfort: Y'all're not taking my kids, sweetheart. You hear me?
Naomi Lapaglia: I've already talked to the lawyer. He said even if you don't get bedevilled I've got a good hazard of getting them.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: I got news for yous. You're not fucking taking my children you vicious fucking cunt, you!
[Naomi slaps Jordan and he slaps her back]
Jordan Belfort: Fuck yous! You fucking bowwow! You're not fucking taking my goddamn fucking kids! Yous hear me? Fuck y'all! You're not fucking taking my fucking kids! Fucking whore.
Naomi Lapaglia: [Sees Jordan snorting cocaine] Look at yourself, Jordan. You're ill! You're a sick man!
Jordan Belfort: Fuck you! I told you, y'all're not taking my fucking kids.
Naomi Lapaglia: Yous recall I would let my kids near y'all? Look at yourself! Y'all know what my lawyer said? My lawyer said that y'all're going to prison for twenty years, Jordan! Twenty fucking years! Y'all're never gonna come across the kids once again! No, I'grand non fucking letting you lot near my kids!
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Y'all don't think I'one thousand gonna see my fucking kids again, huh?
[terminal lines]
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: I'grand not ashamed to admit information technology: my starting time time in prison, I was terrified. For a moment, I had forgotten I lived in a world where everything was for sale. Wouldn't you similar to know how to sell it?
Mark Hanna: Number one dominion of Wall Street. Nobody - and I don't intendance if yous're Warren Buffet or if you're Jimmy Buffet - nobody knows if a stock is going to go up, downwards, sideways or in circles. You know what a fugazi is?
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Fugayzi, it'southward a fake.
Mark Hanna: Fugayzi, fugazi. Information technology's a whazy. Information technology's a woozie. It's fairy dust. It doesn't exist. It's never landed. It is no matter. Information technology's not on the elemental chart. Information technology's not fucking real.
Jordan Belfort: After 15 years in storage, the lemmons had developed a delayed fuse. It took ninety minutes for these fuckers to kick in but one time they did, *pow.* And I had skipped the tingle stage and jumped straight to the drool stage. These picayune bastards were so strong I had discovered a whole new stage. The Cerebral Palsy stage.
Jordan Belfort: Fifty-fifty though I own 85% of Steve Cocksucking Motherfucking Madden Shoes, the shares were in his fucking name!
Patrick Denham: I'one thousand sure we'll exist seeing each other real soon.
Jordan Belfort: I'1000 sure. Adept luck on that subway ride home to your miserable ugly fuckin' wives. I'1000 gonna have Heidi lick some caviar off my assurance in the meantime.
Max Belfort: [hears a phone] Who the fuck has the goddamn gall to call this house on a Tuesday night? God damn it!
Leah Belfort: [watching TV] You're gonna miss it!
Max Belfort: Tell me something I don't know, I wait all calendar week for the fucking Equalizer and they accept to fucking...
[picks up the phone, and so calmly, in a transatlantic accent]
Max Belfort: Hi?... Jean? How are you, Jean?... Righto, Jean, that'll exist swell... Cheerio!
[Hangs up. Explodes]
Max Belfort: Fucking one-half-wit!
Leah Belfort: You missed information technology!
Max Belfort: [Furious] God damn it!
Jordan Belfort: [Furious most newspaper article] That conniving twat! Look at this! The wolf of Wall Street they call me! Look!
Teresa Petrillo: In that location is no such matter as bad publicity. Your hair looks good.
Jordan Belfort: Hello, John. How are you doing today? You mailed in my visitor a postcard a few weeks back, requesting information on penny stocks that had huge upside potential with very little downside risk. Does that ring a bell?
John: Yeah, I may have sent something.
Jordan Belfort: Okay, great. The reason for the call today, John, is something but came beyond my desk, John. Information technology is mayhap the best affair I've seen in the concluding six months. If you accept lx seconds, I'd like to share the idea with you lot. You got a infinitesimal?
John: Actually, I'm actually very...
Jordan Belfort: The name of the company, Aerotyne International. It is a cutting edge high-tech firm out of the Midwest, awaiting imminent patent approval on the next generation of radar detectors that have both huge military and civilian applications. Now, right now, John, the stock trades over-the-counter at 10 cents a share. And by the way, John, our analysts signal it could go a heck of a lot higher than that. Your turn a profit on a mere $six,000 investment could exist upwards of $lx,000!
John: Jesus! That's my mortgage, man.
Jordan Belfort: Exactly. Yous could pay off your mortgage.
John: This stock volition pay off my business firm?
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: John, one thing I can promise you, fifty-fifty in this market place, is that I never ask my clients to judge me on my winners. I inquire them to judge me on my losers, considering I accept and so few. And in the case of Aerotyne, based on every technical gene out at that place, John, we are looking at a one thousand slam domicile run.
John: Okay, permit's do it. I'll do iv grand.
Jordan Belfort: $iv,000? That'd be 40,000 shares, John. Let me lock in that trade right at present and get back to yous with my secretary with an exact confirmation. Sound practiced, John?
John: Yeah, sounds good.
Jordan Belfort: Great. Hey, John. Thank you for your vote of confidence and welcome to the Investor's Eye.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Every person around hither, they want to become rich and they desire to go rich quickly. They all want something for zero.
Alden Kupferberg: In that location was this one time I was selling pot to this Amish dude. You lot know those guys who got like the beard with, like, no mustache or some bullshit? Well, he says that he merely wants to brand furniture.
Robbie Feinberg ('Pinhead'): I don't understand
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: What the fuck are you talking about?
Alden Kupferberg: I'm non putting words in your mouth or nothing, but you just said that everybody wants to get rich.
Robbie Feinberg ('Pinhead'): Holy fuck, you did just say that.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: What the fuck are you talking most?
Alden Kupferberg: Yeah, like Buddhists. They don't give a shit about money. They're wrapped in sheets. They're non ownership shit.
Jordan Belfort: I'one thousand not talking near Buddhists or Amish. I'k talking about normal people, working-class everyday people. Anybody wants to get rich. Am I crazy?
Chester Ming: There's no such affair as an Amish Buddhist. I'm pretty fucking sure.
Robbie Feinberg ('Pinhead'): There could be.
Jordan Belfort: Practise y'all guys non desire to make money?
Alden Kupferberg: [All at once] I want to make coin.
Marker Hanna: You wiggle off?
Jordan Belfort: Exercise I... Exercise I I wiggle off? Aye, yeah I wiggle off. Yeah.
Mark Hanna: How many times a week?
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Similar, um, three or iv. Three or 4 times, maybe five.
Mark Hanna: Gotta pump those numbers up. Those are rookie numbers in this racket. I myself, I jerk off at least twice a twenty-four hour period.
Jordan Belfort: Wow.
Mark Hanna: In one case in the forenoon, right after I work out, and then once correct after lunch.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Really?
Mark Hanna: I want to. That'due south not why I practise information technology. I practise it 'cause I fucking *need* to. Remember about information technology. Yous're dealing with numbers. All day long, decimal points, loftier frequencies. Bang, bang, bang.
[imitates squeaking]
Mark Hanna: fucking digits. All very acidic higher up-the-shoulders mustard shit. All correct? It kind of wigs some people out. Right? You gotta feed the geese to keep the blood flowing. I continue the rhythm below the belt.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Done.
Mark Hanna: This is not a tip, this is a prescription. Trust me. If yous don't, you will fall out of rest, dissever your differential and tip the fuck over. Or worse notwithstanding, I've seen this happen, implode.
Jordan Belfort: No, I don't wanna implode, sir.
Mark Hanna: No. No, you don't.
Jordan Belfort: I'1000 in this for the long run, you lot know?
Mark Hanna: Implosions are ugly. Pop off to the bathroom, work i out any fourth dimension you can. When yous get actually good at it, you'll fucking exist stroking and you'll exist thinking about money.
[first lines, in an advertisement]
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Aunt Emma: Take chances is what keeps us young, isn't it, darling?
Jordan Belfort: [on getting arrested] I'chiliad sober for two years, stopped my drugs, settled down with my wife and kids, and so this happens! Rugrat gets disrepair down in Miami, and approximate who happens to exist with him? Saurel! That's correct, out of all the Swiss bankers in Miami, information technology had to exist him! Even more fucked, is that he got busted for shit that had aught to practise with me. It had cipher to fucking practise with me! Some stuff well-nigh running drugs with Rocky Aoki, you know, the founder of Benihana? Benihana... Beni-fucking-hana? BENI-FUCKING-HANA? WHY? WHY, GOD? Why would You exist so cruel equally to utilise the king of Japanese restaurants to have me down?
Brad: [Donnie haphazardly gets out from car] Put the fucking car in the park, you dumb fucking idiot!
Donnie Azoff: [slurred speech] I tin't... I can't close this briefcase.
Brad: One fucking day. I fucking day, you couldn't keep information technology together?
Donnie Azoff: I'm fucked up, Brad. Fucked up.
Brad: Gotta be fucking kidding me.
Donnie Azoff: [stands up tall, grinning] Information technology'south a joke!
Brad: Information technology's a joke?
Donnie Azoff: I'grand sober.
Brad: Jesus fucking Christ!
Jordan Belfort: [afterwards shipwreck] The nice thing most existence rescued by Italians is that they feed you, make you drink red wine, then y'all get to dance.
Donnie Azoff: I don't wanna die, Jordan! I've washed a lot of bad shit, I'yard going to hell!
Jordan Belfort: Give me a kiss, sweetheart.
Naomi Lapaglia: Hashemite kingdom of jordan.
Jordan Belfort: Oh come on, infant. I oasis't fabricated honey to you in then long.
Naomi Lapaglia: No.
Jordan Belfort: Delight.
Naomi Lapaglia: Jordan, cease it.
[Jordan continues kissing her]
Naomi Lapaglia: No! Hashemite kingdom of jordan, stop it!
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: [flashes to Jordan having sex with Naomi] I love you lot so much.
Naomi Lapaglia: I fucking hate you, Jordan! Get off me!
Jordan Belfort: No, infant. Don't do that. You know how much I beloved you, right? Stop that sweetie, please?
Naomi Lapaglia: [pauses] You wanna fuck me, Hashemite kingdom of jordan? Y'all wanna fuck me? Proficient. Go at information technology. Go ahead and fuck me. I want you to fuck me real difficult. I desire you to fuck me like information technology'south the last fucking time. Come on.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Baby, why you doing it similar that?
Naomi Lapaglia: Considering I desire you to come up for me, baby.
Jordan Belfort: Come on, baby.
Naomi Lapaglia: Come for me, babe. I want you lot to come for me similar it'southward the last fucking time.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Yeah?
Naomi Lapaglia: Yep! Come on, baby. Come for me. Come on, baby.
Jordan Belfort: Yeah? Want me to come for you?
Naomi Lapaglia: Yep.
[Jordan forcefully finishes]
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Oh God! Oh!
[laughing]
Jordan Belfort: Oh babe. That was and then fucking great.
Naomi Lapaglia: That was the last fourth dimension.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: What practice you hateful, babe?
Naomi Lapaglia: I mean that was the final time we ever take sexual activity.
Mark Hanna: Nosotros don't start dialing at ix:thirty, considering our clients are already answering the telephone! 3... 2... 1, let'south fuck!
Jordan Belfort: The Quaalude, or lude, as it is commonly referred to, was first synthesized in 1951 by an Indian dr. - that's dots, not feathers - equally a allaying, and was prescribed to stressed-out housewives with sleep disorders. Simply pretty soon, somebody figured out that if you resisted the urge to sleep for but fifteen minutes, you got a pretty kicking-ass high from it. Didn't accept long for people to outset abusing ludes, of grade, and in 1982 the U.South. government "Schedule 1'd" them, forth with the rest of the earth. Which meant there was only a finite amount of these things left. No shit. You can't even buy them anymore. You people are all shit out of luck.
Donnie Azoff: You're a fucking pill dealer. I got five more only similar you, bro.
Brad: Keep talking, you fucking slice of shit!
Donnie Azoff: And you know what else? You dress like shit, so fuck you!
Brad: Fucking motherfucker!
[knocks Donnie unconscious]
Jordan Belfort: Oh! Jesus!
Brad: How virtually that, faggot? Who's a faggot?
Jordan Belfort: [checks on Donnie] You okay? Hey, pal.
Jordan Belfort: Look, I knew these guys weren't like Harvard MBAs. Robbie Feinberg, the Pinhead, took 5 years to finish loftier school. Alden Kupferberg, the Ocean Otter, didn't even graduate. Chester Ming, the depraved China man, thought jujitsu was in State of israel. Smartest of the bunch was Nicky Koskoff. He actually went to law school. I called him Rugrat because of his piece of shit hairpiece. Even so, give them to me young, hungry, and stupid, and in no time, I'll make 'em rich.
Jordan Belfort: Mr. Hanna, you're able to do drugs during the twenty-four hour period and then still office, still exercise your task?
Marking Hanna: How the fuck else are you supposed to do this job? Cocaine and hookers, my friend.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: So you listen to me and you mind well. Are you behind on your credit card bills? Good! Pick up the phone and kickoff dialing! Is your landlord ready to evict you? Proficient! Choice up the telephone and start dialing! Does your girlfriend remember you're a fucking worthless loser? Proficient! Selection upwards the phone and starting time dialing! I want you to deal with your problems by condign rich! All you have to practise today is pick upwards that phone and speak the words that I take taught you. And I will make you richer than the most powerful CEO in the United States of fucking America!
Jordan Belfort: [narration] Say what you will, but the Duchess did have style. She brought in a decorator, feng shui'd the whole identify. She even hired a gay butler. This guy was smart, sophisticated, professional. Really, really neat. Except for that one time.
Naomi Lapaglia: [Naomi walks in on a gay orgy] Oh my God!
Nicholas the Butler: Oh, hey. Is information technology Wednesday already? Uh, what the fuck! That is fucked up!
Naomi Lapaglia: [to Jordan after the incident] He must have thought we were still at the Hamptons this weekend, you know.
Jordan Belfort: Right, right. Where were they doing it, sweetheart? In the bedroom?
Naomi Lapaglia: They were everywhere! There were ii guys over at that place on the table. There were more over here. There were 4 correct hither.
Jordan Belfort: Ugh! Are you fucking serious? Correct at that place? Why didn't you tell me, sweetheart?
Naomi Lapaglia: Baby, it gets worse. Afterward they left I checked the apartment.
Donnie Azoff: [raves at Brad] You're gonna knock whose fucking teeth in? Whose fucking teeth are you gonna knock in? I put the money on that fucking table, not you!
Jordan Belfort: He'southward got a gun, you fucking idiot!
Donnie Azoff: Fuck his gun!
Chester Ming: I can sell annihilation. Shit, I can sell lubes to a convent full of nuns, get 'em so horny they'll be fucking each other in the coffers.
Jordan Belfort: [Sees a young broker cleaning his fishbowl] What the fuck is that child doing? What'southward he doing?
Donnie Azoff: The biggest IPO in this firm'south history, what the fuck is he doing?
Janet (Jordan's Assistant): Is he... is he wearing a bowtie?
Donnie Azoff: [Approaches the guy] Hi, how you doing?
Stratton Broker in a Bowtie: [timid] Proficient.
Donnie Azoff: You cleaning your fishbowl?
Stratton Broker in a Bowtie: I just, I had a minute and I...
Donnie Azoff: Yous had a infinitesimal? And today, you needed to clean your fishbowl, today?
Stratton Broker in a Bowtie: I finished my paperwork and I was, but had a couple minutes.
Donnie Azoff: Okay, overnice to meet yous.
[Pretends to walk away, merely suddenly turns back]
Donnie Azoff: On new outcome day? On cocksucking, motherfucking new issue day? This is what y'all do? Hey, everybody, listen up! This is what happens when y'all fuck with your pets on new issue twenty-four hours!
[Dangles the fish from the bowl by its tail and swallows it]
Donnie Azoff: Accept your piddling bowtie... Get your shit, and go the fuck out of my function. You understand?
Jordan Belfort: Go the fuck out!
Donnie Azoff: Everybody on point! We are hither to brand coin! Everybody on bespeak!
Jordan Belfort: A real wolf pit, which is exactly how I liked information technology.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Her pussy was like heroin to me. And it wasn't merely about the sex either. Naomi and I got along. I mean, nosotros had similar interests and shit.
Jordan Belfort: And in the case of the telephone, it's up to each and every i of you lot, my highly-trained Strattonites. My killers, my killers who will not take no for an answer. My fucking warriors, who volition non hang up the phone until their client either buys *or fucking dies!*
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: You be ferocious! Y'all be relentless! Yous be telephone fucking terrorists! Now let's knock this motherfucker out of the park!
Donnie Azoff: [masturbates to Naomi] Perfect...
Hildy Azoff: Donnie, what the fuck are you doing, you piece of shit?
[beats downwardly Donnie]
Jordan Belfort: [to Naomi] You take to excuse my friend.
Naomi Lapaglia: Good morning, daddy. Where's my kiss?
Jordan Belfort: Hey, sweetheart! Does daddy get a kiss from both of his piffling girls, huh?
Naomi Lapaglia: Oh no. No, daddy doesn't even go to bear on mommy for a very, very, very long time.
Jordan Belfort: Daddy'due south really sorry nigh what he said in the other room. He didn't mean any of it.
Naomi Lapaglia: Daddy shouldn't waste his time. And from now on, information technology's gonna be nix only short, short skirts around the firm. And you lot know something else, daddy? Mommy is simply so ill and tired of wearing panties.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Yep?
Naomi Lapaglia: Yeah. In fact, she'southward decided to throw them all away.
[opens legs]
Naomi Lapaglia: And then take a skillful look, daddy. Y'all're gonna be seeing an awful lot of this around the house.
Jordan Belfort: Oh, infant. Yeah mommy.
Naomi Lapaglia: But no touching.
Jordan Belfort: Ow.
Naomi Lapaglia: What's wrong, daddy?
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Mmm, baby. Okay, mommy likes to play games with daddy. Mommy, have you ever noticed anything odd about Mr. Fuzzy Comport over there? His eyes seem to be a fiddling bit odd, don't they? Yeah, there's something a little flake different almost his eyes. Yep, I think information technology'south true. Say howdy, mommy!
[waves to security photographic camera]
Jordan Belfort: Say how-do-you-do to Rocco and Rocco! Say hi! Hi, fellas!
Naomi Lapaglia: Fuck you!
Jordan Belfort: [narration] Of all the fucking days, she chooses today to requite me bluish balls.
Jordan Belfort: FYI boys, Danielle has promised to use this $ten,000 for breast implants. She's already got C-cups, but now she wants FUCKIN' DOUBLE D'South!
Jordan Belfort: I felt horrible. Three days after, I filed for a divorce and moved Naomi into the apartment.
Jordan Belfort: I'm not ashamed to admit information technology. When we arrived to prison, I was absolutely terrified. But I needn't accept been. See, for a brief fleeting moment, I'd forgotten I was rich and I lived in a identify where everything was for sale. Wouldn't you similar to learn how to sell it?
Mark Hanna: Second central to success in this noise is this fiddling baby right here. It's called cocaine. It'll go along you lot precipitous between the ears. It'll also help your fingers dial faster. And estimate what? That's good for me.
Mark Hanna: [reacting to market crash] Holy... fucking... shit...
Jordan Belfort: [offers pen to Chester] You lot can sell anything? Sell that. Sell me that pen.
Chester Ming: Can I finish eating start? I haven't eaten all 24-hour interval.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: 25 grand to the showtime cocksucker to blast the bulls-center!
Jordan Belfort: And if anyone here thinks I'm superficial or materialistic, get become a job at fucking McDonald's, 'cause that'southward where yous fucking belong!
Jordan Belfort: [in narration] So I was sellin' them shit, but the way I looked at it, the coin was improve off in my pocket.
Mark Hanna: We don't give 2 shits nearly how technology works, 'cause all nosotros care virtually is getting fucking RICH!
Jordan Belfort: But earlier you depart this room full of winners, I want you to take a good expect at the person adjacent to you. Proceed. Considering quondam in the non-so-afar futurity, you're gonna be pulling up at a red light, in your mussed-up onetime fucking Pinto, and that person'south gonna be pulling up right alongside you in their brand new Porsche. With their beautiful wife by their side, who's got large voluptuous tits. And who're you gonna be sitting next to? Some disgusting wildebeest with iii days of razor-stubble, in a sleeveless muumuu, crammed in next to you in a carload total of groceries from the fucking Price Guild. That's who y'all're gonna be sitting next to!
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Babe, I spoke to the lawyers again today. I take some really, actually nifty news. Turns out you're completely off the hook, dearest.
Naomi Lapaglia: I know that already.
Jordan Belfort: Right! Exactly. In fact, you never did anything incorrect in the first place. Turns out all the FBI actually wants from me is to cooperate. Yous know? Turns out I have so much information virtually the stock market and Wall Street I can salvage the government years of heartache. Not to mention countless dollars.
Naomi Lapaglia: Mhmm.
Jordan Belfort: But it gets even ameliorate, baby. Because if I do decide to cooperate I might only looking at 4 brusk years. In which instance, you know, we could start fresh. Maybe sell the house. And any fines that I accept to pay wouldn't be due until after I've served my term, so we'd nonetheless have enough of coin leftover.
Naomi Lapaglia: Mhmm.
Jordan Belfort: The only affair that of class bummed me out a little scrap about this whole idea is having to give information well-nigh my friends.
Naomi Lapaglia: Well, like yous said there'south no friends on Wall Street. Right?
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Right! Right, exactly. So there's a silver lining to that also, honey. Because they said somewhen everyone'southward going to accept to give information on this case so at the stop of the twenty-four hour period it might not even be a factor.
Naomi Lapaglia: Well that'southward good news. right?
Jordan Belfort: Yeah! Yeah.
Naomi Lapaglia: I'thousand really happy for you.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: What practise you mean happy for me? Sweetheart, you should be happy for the both of united states. Right?
Naomi Lapaglia: Yeah. Right.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Even more fucked was that he got disrepair for shit that had nothing to with me. Information technology had nothing to fucking do with me. Something near laundering drug money through offshore boat racing and a guy named Rocky Aoki, you know the founder of Benihanna. Benihanna, Beni fucking hanna. Beni fucking hanna!. Why why why god, why would you lot be so roughshod as to choose a chain of fucking hibachi restaurants to accept me down!
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Gentlemen, welcome to Stratton Oakmont. You snooks will now be targeting the wealthiest one% of Americans. We're talking about whales here, Moby fucking Dicks. And with this script, which is your new harpoon, I'chiliad gonna teach each and every one of yous to exist Captain fucking Ahab.
Jordan Belfort: It was a madhouse, a greed fest, with equal parts cocaine, testosterone, and torso fluids. It got and then bad, I had to declare the office a fuck-free zone between the hours of 9 and vii.
Jordan Belfort: What we're gonna do is this: first we pitch 'em Disney, AT&T, IBM, blueish chip stocks exclusive. Companies these people know. Once we sucker them in, we unload the dog shit.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Money doesn't just buy you lot a better life - ameliorate nutrient, ameliorate cars, better pussy - information technology also makes you a better person. You tin give generously to the church or political party of your pick. You tin can save the fucking spotted owl with money.
Jordan Belfort: You know, every time someone rises upwards in this earth, there'south always gonna be some asshole trying to elevate 'em down.
Jordan Belfort: This is our golden ticket to the fuckin' Chocolate Mill, right hither. And I wanna meet Willy fuckin' Wonka, okay? I wanna be with the fuckin' Oompa Loompas!
Jordan Belfort: It turned out the British weren't too different from the Swiss. Money talks and bullshit takes the charabanc.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Of course, after the bachelor party, me, the Duke, needed a few penicillin shots and so he could safely consummate the marriage.
Jordan Belfort: So, Bay Ridge, that'south near Staten Island, correct?
Naomi Lapaglia: Brooklyn. Across the Verrazano'south Bridge.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Saturday Night Fever territory.
Naomi Lapaglia: That's right! Guinea Gulch. We call the Verrazano's Bridge the Republic of guinea Gangplank.
Jordan Belfort: And so, I presume you lot're Italian.
Naomi Lapaglia: On my Dad'south side. I'g as well Dutch, German, English. I'm a mutt.
Jordan Belfort: You're a mutt.
Naomi Lapaglia: Yes. I yet accept family over there, though. In London. My Aunt Emma. She's the best. Very British, you know. She's a classy lady.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: That explains it so.
Naomi Lapaglia: Explains what?
Jordan Belfort: Explains you. I mean, you're a duchess correct, the Duchess of Bay Ridge.
Manny Riskin: Listen to me, if yous piss up the SEC'south leg, you lot end up with your tits in a wringer.
Jordan Belfort: Actually, the madness started on our very showtime day, when one of our brokers, Ben Jenner, christened the lift past getting a blow job from the sales assistant. Her name was Pam and to her credit, she did have this amazing technique with this wild twisting jerk movement. About a month afterward, Donnie and I decided to double team her on a Sat afternoon while our wives were out shopping for Christmas presents. Eventually Ben married her, which was pretty amazing, considering she blew every single guy in the role. Well, he got depressed and killed himself about three years later.
Bo Dietl: He's a Boy Scout! He thinks you lot're fuckin' Gordon Gekko.
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Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0993846/quotes/qt2092821
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